I Was Afraid I Couldn’t/Wouldn’t/Shouldn’t Love Him (As Much)

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From the moment our oldest son was born, he was our world. I always imagined I’d cry when I first held my baby in my arms, but I didn’t…I just felt this immediate warmth as I cradled him in amazement, wondering how I had lived my first 29 years without him in my life.  As I watched him grow, I knew that he must be the smartest, cutest, funniest, and most serious (albeit chubbiest) baby to ever exist on this planet.  He was my second great love (next to his daddy, of course).

baby sledding

So, when we were expecting baby #2, I wondered how I could ever love another child as much as I loved my first.  But, I loved baby #2 just as much, if not more, than my first.  By the second time around, I realized what a miracle it was to grow and raise a baby – and I was thankful for every single moment I was given with this little boy.  With the first child, I took everything for granted – pregnancy, childbirth, bringing home baby.  With #2, I knew that it was foolish to “expect” anything as a parent.  Baby #2 was so different than my first, and while #1 was a serious, old soul trapped in a pint-sized body, #2 had a devilish sense of humor behind his soulful almond-shaped eyes.  He, too, brought more joy to our family than we ever could have imagined.

love 2

By the time #3 came around, I had convinced myself that there was no way I had any room left in my heart to love a child as much as I loved my first two boys.  And then I saw baby #3…this perfect, perfect boy – with bits of both babies #1 and #2 in his appearance, and a sweet personality that was just all his own. I knew immediately that my life had not been complete until he arrived and wondered if I might not even love him the most, as he was the piece to finally complete our family?

love 3

Yet, I realize it is not that I love one child any more than the other, its that I love each of them differently.  #1 is my partner in crime, the boy who never ceases to amaze me, the child who welcomes others with such a huge heart – that it makes me so proud to be his mom. #2 is my clown, the one who makes me laugh, the happy-go-lucky, sensitive boy I can always count on for a snuggle at the end of an exhausting day. And then there is #3, who is still coming into his own, who I love for all the possibilities in who he might be and because he will always, always be my baby.


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  1. Aw, such a sweet post and so true. Your boys are so cute.
    Heather M recently posted…Pinterest Link up #25My Profile

  2. Perfectly articulated! Agree that I love all my boys differently… but all the same!
    Lindsey recently posted…Parenting 101 with Parenting Playbook {Reader Q&A}My Profile

  3. It goes way too fast. And that photo on the sled is TO DIE FOR!

  4. Your babies are beautiful!
    KIM @ DESIGN + LIFE + KIDS recently posted…style favorite | inhabit sweatersMy Profile

  5. It is something you wonder, isn’t it? My best friend says her third baby is her favorite : ). I only have one so I don’t have to worry about it!
    Life with Kaishon recently posted…I Heart Faces :: Purple :: Notes on the Art of Poetry by Dylan ThomasMy Profile

  6. Such a sweet post. I remember feeling the exact same way with each of my three. There is writer who always talks about loving wastefully–and I love this idea. Love is infinite, so we can love, love, love and just love so much that we can throw it away because we have more love to waste.
    Trish recently posted…Only One Thing Week 5: Romans 8:28My Profile

  7. So beautiful. I love love. It’s such a magical thing. I love how it multiplies instead of divides when it needs to be spread out among more than one person. xoxo
    Cindy recently posted…Re-embracing motherhoodMy Profile

  8. Thank you for sharing! We only have one and I’ve always wondered how I could love another one as much.
    Caitlin recently posted…SwapdomMy Profile

  9. I feel the same about my three as well! It’s amazing how room for more love just opens up when it is meant to!
    Stephanie (@MammaBearsWorld) recently posted…THE LEGO MOVIE: Everything is AwesomeMy Profile

  10. So sweet. I only have one and I’ve wondered how I could love another child as much as I love my Munchkin. I don’t know how it will happen, I just know it will. Just like I don’t know how I could love my husband anymore than I do now, I just know I will:)

    Your boys are adorable!
    Poekitten recently posted…Flashback FridayMy Profile

  11. Hi there, stopping by from SITS. I’m a mom of 2 boys. I can completely relate. I had those same feelings with baby #2 and wondering if I’d ever be able to love him as much as #1, but God works in mysterious ways and I’ve found room for both in my heart. You have adorable boys!
    Jennifer H recently posted…Comment on How to Protect Yourself from Identity Theft – #IDSafetySeason by Karen GlattMy Profile

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